Life With a Newborn Is A Paradox
Life with a newborn feels like a constant whirlwind of emotions. Somehow, every day is full of the most opposite of feelings and it can feel confusing. After having our third this last December, I found myself constantly at odds with the feelings and emotions that were happening in my heart and in my head. How could I feel happy and sad simultaneously? Both relieved that he’s finally here and stressed at all that his entrance entails in our lives with our other two toddlers?
One day, as I snuggled my new little love close, it hit me that life with a newborn is really a constant paradox. A heart and head full of conflicting emotions that somehow coexist. And it’s confusing and also beautiful-
I feel both wiped and yet, completely full
I simultaneously look forward to not being *quite* so needed and I dread the day that he doesn’t need me anymore
“Sleep when the baby sleeps”
So when do I shower or fold the laundry or hold my older two that still need mommy’s lap too?
My arms are tired from holding him and I also don’t want to put him down
I feel constantly in need of a shower, covered in leaking breast milk and also, breastfeeding is one of my very favorite parts of motherhood
“I need to nap”
“I’m just going to hold him a little longer”
I need to get out of the house but I want nothing more than to stay in bed and take in these fleeting newborn days
They are fleeting, these days full of snuggles and nights lacking in sleep. That both makes me feel weepy and is also a huge relief.
Weepy, because every day that passes is a day he’s less of a newborn and I truly love these newborn days. Relieving, because this level of exhaustion is only sustainable for so long.
They say “Babies don’t keep” and it’s true. And that’s worth mourning and also celebrating. I want to freeze time and I also can’t wait to watch him grow and see who he becomes one day.
What an honor and also a beautiful burden it is, this season of living in the “both, and”.