Life With a Newborn Is A Paradox

Life with a newborn feels like a constant whirlwind of emotions. Somehow, every day is full of the most opposite of feelings and it can feel confusing. After having our third this last December, I found myself constantly at odds with the feelings and emotions that were happening in my heart and in my head. How could I feel happy and sad simultaneously? Both relieved that he’s finally here and stressed at all that his entrance entails in our lives with our other two toddlers?

One day, as I snuggled my new little love close, it hit me that life with a newborn is really a constant paradox. A heart and head full of conflicting emotions that somehow coexist. And it’s confusing and also beautiful-

I feel both wiped and yet, completely full ⁣

I simultaneously look forward to not being *quite* so needed and I dread the day that he doesn’t need me anymore ⁣

“Sleep when the baby sleeps” ⁣
So when do I shower or fold the laundry or hold my older two that still need mommy’s lap too? ⁣

My arms are tired from holding him and I also don’t want to put him down ⁣

I feel constantly in need of a shower, covered in leaking breast milk and also, breastfeeding is one of my very favorite parts of motherhood ⁣

“I need to nap” ⁣
“I’m just going to hold him a little longer” ⁣

I need to get out of the house but I want nothing more than to stay in bed and take in these fleeting newborn days ⁣

They are fleeting, these days full of snuggles and nights lacking in sleep. That both makes me feel weepy and is also a huge relief. ⁣

Weepy, because every day that passes is a day he’s less of a newborn and I truly love these newborn days. Relieving, because this level of exhaustion is only sustainable for so long. ⁣

They say “Babies don’t keep” and it’s true. And that’s worth mourning and also celebrating. I want to freeze time and I also can’t wait to watch him grow and see who he becomes one day. ⁣

What an honor and also a beautiful burden it is, this season of living in the “both, and”.

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